laurafish919

Tim Burton crawling character

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 08:42:17 GMT

The bar Wednesday night was fun--i wore my fancy hat and my friends are ADORABLE. Anita--with her "just kidding" has made me laugh for days...
Thanksgiving morning is always one of my favorite times a year. Always before, i woke up at my parents house and I would refuse to get up and help with cleaning/cooking and everyone would get so angry at me and that amused me. (except the one year i didnt get out of a chair cause i was sad about life)--
so this year, i wanted to be at my parents bright and early to continue that tradition to the best of my ability, but when nick got up at 5 AM to go to work, i woke up as well and watched Look Who's Talking Too in its entirity. so i ended up falling asleep, and not making it to my parents until 1033 AM which apparantly caused my dad to lose a bet with my mom by three minutes. they are so cute lately--they seem to be having so much fun with each other. Perhaps jennie and i moving out worked out for everyone more than expected...

my sister came over soon after and we did some last minute shopping for missing food items like every year...then i took my dad to the liquor store like every year...
My dad bought a few bottles of wine and i drank about 3/4s of the bottle of Reisling before dinner even started...my grandma and i had a GREAT conversation about fancy hats and then I tried talking to Pam's new boyfriend. I rambled much and got little response...but that happens often.

My sister was the only other person to get drunk and after dinner we passed out together in the twin bed in my old bedroom. It was so fun whining with her and eating too much dessert. Ryan was frustrated with us both...
my dad said "I wish nick could have came" and that was very nice to hear.

SO then i went home and kristen came over and we layed on the couches for about 8 hours straight. Nick came home and was annoyingly hyper for about 12 minutes before he passed out--It was a nice day. We had high hopes of meeting up with other people, going out for a drink, going to a movie--but nope. Never made it up.
then it was this morning and nick and joe were working so i was fucking ALONE. i was SO happy this morning...i ordered a battery for my computer, i cleaned, i watched Honey with Jessica Alba, I made lunch, i rearranged some stuff...it was GREAT.
then Nuv and i went to Sommerset, then Target, and a bunch of other stores. I spent the equivalent of what i paid on my credit card this very morning...i'm a horrible person. but anca enlightened me today with the comment that credit cards exist for a REASON---it wouldnt make sense to pay them off each month!

so i spent a shit load of money and most of it was on myself. and i still need goddamn brown boots. i'm freaking out about these boots. i dont want super nice ones since i dont wear brown that often. god, it's such a bad cycle--i keep buying things that require me to buy another item to complete the outfit, but it never stops.

and it's seriously embarrassing how full my closet is. and my closet is about 12 feet long. plus most of my pants are piled on the shelf above, and this doesnt include work out or sleeping clothes. and this is cliche, but i never have anything to wear! I have no idea what the hell is taking up so much space...
nick liked the jacket thing i bought him and that made me very happy.

nuv and i came home and made a delicious spinach, mushroom, garlic pizza and drank a bunch of wine and watched Spanglish!

it's been such a nice relaxing few days...

i havent ran in almost two weeks. I'm not feeling bad about it because before, when i would try to run while being sick--i just prolonged feeling shitty.
because nick and i have both been sick for a few months, my mom thinks our apartment has mold or something. it is a bit odd..i never used to be sick, nor did nick. and i'm trying to be the healthiest person ever!
i drink tons of water, work out, eat healthy, take vitamins, sleep, have less stress than ever, i dont drink caffeine that much, i have eliminated almost all fast food (except for a few drunk mistakes)--i barely smoke (drunk or emotional mistakes), and i dont really drink that often...except the week i was waiting to hear about that job (that i didnt get)--or when i became addicted to beer with coke in it. --but anyways, why am i always sick?

okay it's super late and i hate staying up past my bedtime...i'll be messed up for days now.

loves mys peoples

Rancor and me in a meadow...holding hands...sipping Pumpkin Spice lattes...

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 04:24:31 GMT

I am so nervous and excited about things.

I can't even begin to describe how much happier i am now than i was for most of the last decade. It is frightening because I am fully aware that paralysis, death, disease, betrayal...could strike at any moment and destroy much of my elation, but maybe i'm also aware that I can handle things now much better than before so i don't know....

I have a ticket stub from A Christmas Carol that Jenny Seba and I went to see December 4th, 1998. I found it in a dictionary. Little did i know THAT night that six years later, my mom would almost die that night...I remember that night so clearly...because it rained very very hard and it was still probably some of the worst driving conditions I've ever encountered (although i think Jenny was driving.) it was a nice night though. I think my mom's thing last year effected me more than I realized at first. And this probably is an obvious thing, but as the one experiencing it, I was blind to the obvious after effects.

I'm so happy with the new set up of my apartment. I even have a newfound love for that uglyass Rancor because now he sits in a basket full of glittery christmas bulbs and he is holding a cinnamon stick. I should glue some plastic flowers to the frame of Nick's Pabst Blue Ribbon poster too. I will alter everything Nick loves to amuse me!

I think I would like a dollhouse.

Does anyone remember the "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" episode with the girl trapped in the dollhouse? that scared me. I'd like to watch it now to see if it still made me so anxious.

The only thing really bothering me at the moment is the horrendous screaming of nick's current character (Ada Wong) in Resident Evil 4.
well my broken laptop is bothering me as well, and my fat, and my stuffy nose, and the laundry i need to do, and my envy of people i should NOT envy (although the envy is great because it just signifies another flaw I can dedicate some time trying to erase)

okay enough of this...maybe tomorrow ill have an entry on how i was hit by a car and killed and I won't be so merry in that one.

A scene in this resident evil 4 shit just reminded me of when Nick and i had sex at Bodie, this ghost town in California. we were next to some half burned down cabin with people just around the corner. We also had sex in the mountains that vacation. I'm proud of those times...

oh and today, I bought another pair of black boots AND super cool snow boots. I also bought earrings that go against my normal taste and that is probably why i'm so excited about them.

And I didn't eat too badly today, so tomorrow I'll wake up feeling light.
And i have thursday and friday off this week!

Life will be very nice for the next few days as long as the gods don't punish me via murder for not being miserable enough. It is a perfect night to find out Nick cheated on me. or to be eaten by zombies.

oh and joe threw my brownies away because they sat out over night. This is too upsetting for me to even elaborate on.

I wish my walls were always cozy melon.

I only like touching one person

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 04:11:56 GMT

So Anca came home late Wednesday and by thursday night i was very sick. Fever, sore throat, lost voice, worst headache i've head in years...i dont know what the hell my problem is. I'm trying to be healthier than ever before--vitamins, sleep, exercise, well-balanced food, and bam, i'm sick all the time.

so that put a huge damper on everything. I missed half of work on Friday and only went in because of how busy we are. Anca and i did NOTHING but eat with her parents night after night...

last night, her parents had this dinner party and this woman "Olga" was there--Olga is a lawyer and she has a daughter who went to Harvard for undergrad and scored a 175 on her LSAT and is at U of M law school currently, after taking two years off to compete countrywide in cycling. Olga provided anca and i with a very nice, motivating talk. Olga and Poofa's dad win for life-changing conversations this year. I am quite receptive to people with advice so that helps...but we must learn to exercise our WILL muscle!

i'm sorry to realize i've almost seen all the "Look for Less" episodes...

I bought a fancy black hat today. Nick has to take me out to dinner now so i can wear a dramatic all black outfit with super dark eyemakeup and my new hat.

oh and i chopped my own hair off yesterday. I straightened it and it was soooo long and i just was frustrated so now its shoulderlength and VERY uneven. I like it though. I'm dreading seeing it curly. It will be up to my ears. i need amy yu to fix me up-

Kristen and i rearranged the apartment earlier this week and i put up a lot of christmas shit. i havent even thought about christmas for years but i've been enjoying being the annoying carol-singing, overly joyous christmas-spirit girl this year.

i had such hopes for this weekend--i was going to be so productive and enjoy anca--but instead, i slept 14 hours a day and ate for the other 10 hours.

I've seen way too much of Nick lately. I'd probably be a very superior person if he didn't suck so much energy out of me. The word superior is more a joke for Anca's benefit by the way--and she does not read this thing...

okay maybe ill have some wine and go to sleep. This past week was a wash. Today was a neutral non-day. Tomorrow I'm going to be back!
everything will be under control.

Everything just MEANS something

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 05:50:24 GMT

I totally lost control tonight...the effects always have such a longer lifespan than the cause too, bah!

I wish I felt I had control at this stupid apartment. The main thing I want to talk about I cannot mention because I don't know who reads this thing...

Law school stuff is bothering me. I do a lot more complaining than anything else...
I would like to go to Northwestern but I won't go in.
Wayne state is extremely affordable I'm figuring out...

Chicago or Detroit...I can't figure it out.

I wish i didn't do what i did tonight.

i'm too tired to be writing this.

Today i told nick how well we've been getting along. It's cute how he doesnt seem to even be aware of how we're doing. It's amusing to me that over the years, he STILL hasn't been able to see the pattern in what angers me and what doesn't.

i wish i knew other people I could talk to law school about!

RETRACTION

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 23:53:28 GMT

Miss Anita is no longer on the verge of excommunication because she has affirmed, she does NOT, in fact, despise Christmas Music like the rest of the email bitches.

what do people know about Loyola University--Law. I don't want to be assoociated with the Catholic thing...but it's still a good school?

I am going to eat some Orange Sherbert now.

the happiest time of the year!

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 03:30:21 GMT

I don't know how it's possible but I think i hate Michelle's replacement more than Michelle...but she did send an email to Robin today saying she is in no condition to leave her home. Very funny. I think she expected pity--instead we laughed. Maybe this will be good for her. Maybe she'll be forced to find a way to be happy or something...our new guy "armand" talks way too fucking much and does all this weird shit. no one else seems to dislike him. I'm keeping quiet about it and he does seem to be a good worker. He is doing greencards anyways, so its not like i have to work with him. i just hate the know-it-all, patronizing moron types--and he's a slow talker. he's the type that when you say something he always says things like "that's not it, ill tell you what it is"--like he has this permanent precursor to tell you EVERYTHING you say is wrong. even if i say something like "i'm hungry" he'll say "well actually, in most cases, people who think they are hungry are just thirsty." i can't even respond anymore. I just turn around and send an email to nikole/anita/cheryl about what a fucking motherfucker he is. oh and by the way, those girls hate christmas! what's with the world these days? where's the joy? It is Christmas Carol season! THE HAPPIEST TIME OF THE YEAR. i'm all about 100.3.

So any suggestions on how to write a personal statement? and i seriously want answers! no one ever tells me anything...

I'm feeling so disenchanted...

for the next month or so, i'm going to try very hard to not commit myself to any events. I am so tired of never having a night to do what I feel like doing...This weekend i'm not going to Bert's thanksgiving thing. I did hear rumor of my darling little amber coming to Michigan--and I'll definitely be up for seeing her but we'll see what happens...I want to see my mom and watch christmas movies with Kristen. and other than that--alllll law school, running, working out, and lounging.

Certain things in my sight are making me happy right now.
1. Lemon Meringue lotion stuff that i just remembered I bought on my dresser.
2. pearl earrings that are sitting next to the lotion--i never go for earrings that simple but now that I did, i LOVE them. sometimes subtle is good!
3. Cherry wine container that i filled with candles. the cherries are perfect.
4. Penguin in the soy sauce dish. Anca made it and Justin has tried to bite the head off for years...
5. big brown shawl sweater thing I bought in boston that isnt even comfortable but i adore it even though i never wear it--since it's uncomfortable and impractical.

Certain things are making me very UNhappy as well:
1. broken boots that I have to fix or replace...both options are a hassle and expensive. those boots were so perfect...(my sister bought them for me)
2. weights that are reminding me that i've eaten pizza and ice cream for two days and havent done any exercise
3. Nicks ugly Pumas because they are ugly
4. lamp on bedside stand that doesnt fit with my laptop so it is always falling off...very irritating.

I'm going to go watch mindless t.v. -maybe ill smell the lemon meringue lotion first.

six more days until anca comes home!!

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 02:59:56 GMT

Went to Chicago this weekend--

that was good

Thursday night was VERY weird. and i shall not elaborate on what happened and what I did...but I feel eased and sort of pleased at the outcome...
I do want to say that certain critics should shut up because they are OBVIOUSLY not considering how many times things have happened much worse that i did NOT react to. i guess everyone is STUPIDER than me.

Friday, we left early for Chicago--shopping and food, drinks and fun...
but i was feeling pressured thinking about what i'm going to do with my life. a decision will be made eventually!

i got a call from Cindy midday--they fired Michelle at work. I can't believe they did it. I don't even really feel bad since she is so mean.

I had a very nice run around the Navy Pier and then way down some street near the Magnificant Mile aroound 630 am saturday morning. a dog actually chased me. I was listening to loud music--i think it was B Boys Fly Girls--i forget what band. I remember hearing that song in Romania...anyways, so then i heard this crazy jangle and finally turned around--a dog on a leash was chasing me, the owner was chasing the dog. and some bellhop/doorman guy (it was right in front of a hotel) was sort of running after the owner guy yelling something...

We went to the culinary school open house for Kristen--but i dont want to think about my future or anyone elses!

Saturday night Kristen and i dressed like sluts and went out and did exactly what i had hoped. We're both probably pregnant.
or maybe i just ended up eating too much chocolate!

so some fucking whore thinks she can get nick...i HOPE i meet her! i'm feeling quite possessive. I am torn always though--i completely understand a certain amount of flirting -- who doesn't love flirting? sometimes i avoid telling people i have a boyfriend because i dont know, it's like you want to keep your options open or you want to see what you COULD have had or it just feels good? i don't know... and i think i understand this very much and i understand porno and all that shit...but this leads of course to what i think about where nick is at his life...
there is a point you give up GIVING IN to temptation or experimentation because you chose a different way of life-you develop different goals and the path to achieve those goals eliminates silly drama like affairs/random sex/certain types of relationships...you never stop noticing other people or give up the feel-good feeling of flirting and the such...
i dont know

but i dont like this fucking whore who likes nick!
nick made me happy thursday night and tonight...we had a good reunion --he decided we should stop "casual touching" which would aid in assuring excellent sex more often--no touching for three days would lead to a heightened awareness of each other when we DO touch.

Nick thinks it will be Jin who dies in Lost. He wanted me to post this. he was also disappointed in the lack of response for his "witty" entry a few days ago.
today when i came home, he coudlnt help me with my bags or greet me because he was WATCHING some video game.

ten days until Anca comes home. I think i love her more than ever right now. I respect my ancagoat.

well i'm done with this. I think i've been writing super long entries lately because i keep opening the laptop intending on doing law school stuff. Instead, i check out facebook, away messages, livejournals, cnn.com, and fitness webpages.

goodnight and goodluck!

p.s..

A riddle for all to enjoy!!

"the maker does not use it...
the buyer does not want it...
the user does not see it..."

What is it?

don't answer Kristen or i'll fucking kill you and release smallpox on the Bubba. (get it? smallpox? babies?)

mischievous nicky

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 15:46:40 GMT

Just so you guys know, i didn't write the other entry for today. Nick did. But i thought it was funny so it gets to stay. I walked into my room this morning and he shut a screen on my laptop so quickly that i knew he was trying to hide something. Later, I discovered a nice little addition to this livejournal...

Have fun in Vegas Cheryl, Nikole, Anita, and Justyna!!!

why my nicky is correct in most things

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 13:04:32 GMT

today my nicky was discussing matters of the political sense. he didn't abscond his desire to bring down our government through methods of subversion and illicit sexual activities. "light up the night sky with a raging orgy. bodies will feel as though caught betwixt heaven and hell. the man cannot harness that kind of energy. it'll be out of his control and we'll possess the flow to devestate the complex." he tells me with his mouth curled in an arrogant "yeah, the fridge is stocked and we won't need any more beer" kind of fashion. i look desperately into his eyes and feel what he speaks. i will do as he says. his passion is unbridled.

calls are made and plans are laid.

as we walk out of the darkness of the apartment and into the glittery night sky i had only two things on my mind, nick's final words before we made love last night, "remorse is for the weak. lives will be lost. but those who perish will be offering up their souls in a most ascetic rendition of love for the futre. NOW, come henceforth and accept my sugar." and how much chocalate i ate before we left!!!

i mean my god! i just couldn't stop eating it. and i could tell girls how to diet. i would write stuff in that book that they don't tell you. like for example if you eat a lot one day you just can't eat anything the next. but they would never tell you that, they'd say that's unhealthy. but look at me, i've lost like 30 pounds.

I need advice

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 04:33:39 GMT

Does anyone have any advice on law school?

messy messy room

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 03:55:14 GMT

I want to apologize for being such a bitch lately, but I don't know. I'm a selfish, thoughtless person...i really have been realizing how selfish I am with nick. It's like all we ever do is try to figure out a way to make ME happy. He never has complaints or wants...
and so for that reason, i complain as well!

And i know people think i'm a "fun governor" and an unreasonable bitch--but there are things that I need to happen so i can be happy. I must be able to do certain things on a daily basis and when i'm restricted for too long from those things...i lose power over my moods and the chain reaction that extends from that is often unpleasant...

I'm most sorry to Kristen--who I was thinking about today--I don't think she lies much which is sort of rare...

Law school is constantly making my stomach churn...
but last night, Nick and I saw Goodnight and Good luck and i got pumped up to stop being such a fucking lazy moron and do something with my life. It's funny the urge i have to write a paper and do homework...

We went to a cider mill yesterday and got doughnuts, caramel and nut apple slices, a jumbo cider hot dog, hot cider, slushly cider, and cold cider. Since we were hungry, we managed to spend 24 dollars there and had very little to take home.

then we got a beer from some nice piano bar--i just was craving one of those beers with cokes that Nikole got me hooked too--and it became this huge ordeal. my i.d. managed to fall in this crack in the bar and the man who had to get it out for me was not hiding his irritation.

Work is very busy. I need an assistant! I'm feeling so nervous about keeping up with my cases...and somedays, like today, i was just so unsmart. my brain wasn't working fast and i was moving slowly--those days are costing me more than i can afford.
i dont know why i give a shit though. i make such bad money==it's hard to not get wrapped up in the job though. at least the hours pass quickly and i enjoy the work.

well it's halloween--
nick and I went to my parents house tonight. Amy yu came, as well as Jennie and Ryan. It was fun. like a miniparty. i like how much my dad loves talking to Nick. my dad is doing TONS better. they found out his surgery so far went as planned so the percentage of him regaining vision in the one eye has increased. My parents were both so much more upbeat. I ate a lot and i'm fat and i'm sorry.
My sister and i were telling my parents about some of the parties we had there that they never knew about. I think right now, the only secret from my dad is when I had his car up at school a few years ago and somehow the gas cover thing ripped off and i had to lie about why i couldnt bring his car back and then get it replaced quickly. This still wouldnt be funny to my dad because i'm still not financially strong.

i'm tired and i am writing because i dont want to clean my room. but now i'm going to.
i hate you all.

why doesnt everyone fucking go home

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 13:26:10 GMT

I wish no one was in my apartment right now. i am never alone. i will not stop complaining about this until i have control again. Complaining is the only thing that is getting me through this. i wish people would leave. I wish i could be alone all day today. i can't do what i want.

so once again, ill just find things to do all day and be resentful.

I wish i was in my bed from 1994

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 02:30:52 GMT

I'm babysitting twin babies--they are about 3 and a half months old. Tiny tiny bodies. I hope they don't die of that S.I.D.s

i talked to my mom around 9 AM and she said my dad wanted to go to the doctor's because of some eye trouble--well, long story but i couldnt get ahold of my parents all day, i was getting more and more panicked that something happened. The day dragged on and i was so busy at work and it was stressful. finally around 525 i get ahold of my mom and it turned out my dad had to have some emergency eye surgery and it only has a 66 percent chance of working or he'll go blind in that eye. maybe they will do further surgery if this surgery didn't work. i dont even know what i'm talking about exactly--
my dad can't let his head move horizontal for weeks. he has to sleep sitting up. --in a chair. for anyone who knows my dad, you know he never EVER SITS on furniture. He has this crazy thing on his eye. He is going to be nothing but anxious for a month waiting to find out if he'll completely go blind. He has always had such bad vision and he got that laser thing and it didnt work and now this. i know its not that bad. i mean half the time i expect to hear way worse news about my parents. everytime they don't answer the phone or i dont know...i just feel like my dad isnt happy. and he's probably my favorite person in the world. He is going to be so anxious for weeks. my mom has to take the next few weeks off work as well as my dad, of course. if this bubble they injected in his eye moves, i dont know--bad things will happen.
and now that fucking movie Jersey Girl is on and it is sad, i don't care if people say its a stupid movie. I'm so sick of Nick and his friends and their judgements of movies. I can like whatever i want to like.
i called nick and he was with justin and kristen buying halloween crap for a party they were going to in East Lansing tonight. Nick told them to drop him off so he could see me the ten minutes i was going to be home in between visiting my parents and going to babysit--but i told him "its okay, dont go to any trouble" but of course i didnt MEAN it and he jumped right at it and said "alright, nevermind"--and of course then i flipped out. and he told me he didnt want "inconvenience" justin and kristen. Why the fuck am i always last to him? everyone thinks i'm such a bitch because i get mad at things but they dont know that he always tells me one thing and then ANYTIME anyone wants to come over, he says fine. anytime anyone wants anything, its fine. I'm always the one he'll change things with because he doesnt have to worry about my opinion. well he did come home but it did not feel good when he said that. i shouldnt be writing in this stupidass LIVEJOURNAL right now. my eyes are itchy and i have used that inhaler like 4 times today. i just want to be able to breathe. i am so angry with so much stuff right now. i feel like i pay rent for other people to hang out at my apartment. god, well no, i mean i UNDERSTAND. its not one person or one situation...i just wish there was away i could count on some regular alone time.
my allergies are going crazy. its funny how my dad always wants time off of work and now he has it and its because of this fucking shit. Last christmas fucking sucked because my mom almost died and now this-and i dont know, i feel like my dad can't handle sad things or something. i dont know. i can't explain it.
and i cant ever appreciate nick because i think he is going to cheat on me everytime we're apart. or he'll die.
if he turns out to be a strong person--and if what he says is true..well he'll die for sure. but if he turns out to be what i'm fearing is true--well i have that to look forward to. That will be so great. just remembering how fucking stupid i've been and how every comforting slope was filled with nothing.
So there isn't a central me. Just a collection of memes and genes?

Jersey Girl-the song- reminds me of Joe Nabozny. I hate being conscious right now. my mom redid the room i had my entire life. I know everyone goes through those moments--how prevalent are they in movies...well its just as depressing and thought-provoking as it seems.
i'm sorry i talk so much. i'd definitely agree its my worst fault.

A very nice night

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 13:26:52 GMT

Last night worked out so well---

I was just so happy. the first people to come over--Kristen, Poofa, adam, Nick, me, joe--(Ricker had to work and Kristen and i were both really disappointed because the Rick's the Rick...)--then i see justin and Kronner walking in with a big wrapped box with a ton of bows. I'm thinking they got kristen a box of garbage or i dont know, a broken t.v.? so Kristen is very suspiciously and hesitantly opening the wrapping and suddenly out pops the ricker in boxer shorts, suspenders, and on his chest it says "You Got Tricked." Which has been an on-going joke between us all for awhile now.

I even drank the budweiser selects that have been in the fridge since August. That has been a huge fight with nick and i. I had a case of bud selects but since i dont get the urge to drink beer very often, i never even got the chance to have one before nick and his friends finished them. so i flipped out and nick bought me this six pack that only I was allowed to drink. well i think it was my third of the night when i took the first sip and realized it was water. I freaked out and nick and everyone had a good chuckle about how nick had drank the budweiser select and just recapped it, filled with water and i had no idea! see, i always feel bad when i go into bitch mode and shriek at nick, but i'm starting to realize they all enjoy it or they wouldn't torment me so often.

so yes, in the end, kronner, justin, poofa, nick, adam, ricker, kristen, me, Justin M., nikole, anita, mike and cheryl, justyna and troy, kimmy and pete, joe nabozny, tony and nicole, steve, mark, jenny seba, amy yu, tami and bryan, lisa kissel, ....i don't remember (and my motivation for listing the names is to try to remember who came), well they all came over and i love everyone sooo much! and mike demetral met us at the bar too, which was really nice until he disappeared. Maybe he is dead!

the bar was fun--we never found Kristen's cousin...we had a very nice party ball going. I enjoyed seeing Kristen going as crazy as i get for them--it's always nice to have another girl understand the love i have for this specific group of assholes...Party ball has survived these years but the true , original core is rarely together anymore. Last night we had everyone except Jim Toepel...but Christmas! Christmas is going to be fucking great. I'm in a corny mood but everything just made me so happy last night. Ricker, of course, showed off his break dancing moves in our circle...
I'm very over college but i do miss how those people used to be apart of my daily life even though they pissed me off 70 percent of the time.. I know everyone thinks his/her group of friends is the funniest since i guess you develop such a certain language and have so many inside jokes and you master these mannerisms and that sort of thing--so anyways, i'm no different. i'm always entirely amused by everyone. Like Justin being batman this morning! oh and we had our token fight last night. I actually think we weren't the bad guys last night either. Some guy made a pitiful swing at Adam who dodged it with ease. THe other guy was kicked out promptly. Most of the time I'm worried my friends were the protagonists and i feel bad for the other guys.

Justin muschong was very entertaining. He's a good drinker. I remember he decided to walk to 7-11 (which was at least three miles round trip) to get a cigar and that was the last i saw of him. The night was filled up with abrupt endings.

Somehow nick and i ended up on the floor last night--it always seems to be that way. when it's our house and our beds and couches or not--we're on the floor. i'm bitter. in fact, kristen and poofa are in my bed right now! jenny, amy, and justin slept in Joe's bed last night which was an odd combination. I ate very badly the last two days and i'm not feeling so great now. I'm finally used to NOT pigging out and it feels so bad to have this heavy greasy stomach.
Dallas is so adorable. I don't mean to be one of those people who loves her cat but he's so cute! he's such an asshole.
nick woke up around 730 to do one of his "wake up and instantly make a meal" moves and we all ended up waking up. that's good though because i've mostly cleaned everything and it's only 9 am. Kronner, Nick, and Justin helped me by playing some hockey video game and pouring water on the floor.

kristen stole someone's ceramic cat and it's sitting in our hallway. it makes me sad. maybe someone misses his ceramic cat. and she probably won't remember where she took it from.
i can't stop rambling.
Last night was just really nice. I felt pretty--well i liked my outfit sort of but i didn't so much like my face. i probably should not have drank considering i have whooping cough but it was worth it. how often does my Kristen turn 21? It's funny how we cleaned for this party and now its dirtier than it was before.
alright, my knee hurts from ricker picking me up and then inevitably crashing me down.
i'm going to read for awhile and hope my bedroom becomes free sometime soon.

Whooping Cough is my new fate

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 02:40:28 GMT

Okay well maybe not bird flu, but i'm POSITIVE i have whooping cough. POSITIVE. i have every symptom.

Katie, I read your message and i really like your facebook cat pictures. i can't really use the internet at work anymore (we got in trouble) --i really have wanted to send you a good email and so i always wait until i can sit and right something long but it's hard since i have WHOOPING COUGH. anyways, i'm too out of it to write now--i hope you read this! i want to meet your cats.

okay world--if you've been exposed to me recently (last three weeks) and even cough for ONE MINUTE --make an appointment at the doctor's. they can start treatment and stop this hell that has become my life.

hopefully i wont' stop breathing in the night....

bad news bears

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 02:18:00 GMT

Okay everyone--i think i have bird flu. anca told me i probably do and i concur. so if i die or if i make you die, i'm sorry.

nick is a terrible boyfriend. he won't even buy me nyquil for sweetest day.

i had a nice day with kristen and my mom and my couch.

now i must go to coney island and get fatter.

poor fishy

this will probably be my last entry ever since im going to die soon....

Dedicated to Kristen...

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:00:15 GMT

I just wanted to say that I realized that Kristen is my favorite person to get mad at (besides Nick.) and for that, I love her eternally and I'm sorry for being who I am.

10 miles!

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 03:21:44 GMT

I ran 10 miles today. i'm very excited about it. it took a long time--92 minutes. i think i could have ran it faster but i didn't plan on running 10 miles. i was going to just run 6 but my left leg was killing me for the first 5 miles so i never increased my pace from 6.5 so when i hit 5 miles and began to feel better, i wasnt tired at all---so i felt i had to punish myself for my slow pace and i was going to run 8 but then 10 sounded better than 8--so i kept going. i never really went much faster until the last half of the tenth mile. maybe next week ill try to run more than 10.

anyways, i'm happy. then nick and i ate jimmy johns (replenishing the calories i burned off--i'm dedicated to my fat) and we bought stuff at Barnes and NObles. Nick was saying how i feel looking at office and art supplies is how he feels at a videogame store.--i was examining the planners so intently--i became too stressed out to even continue looking let alone to purchase one. I love them all and i can imagine myself having a good year with several of them...it really was just too stressful---

then nick and i went to Caribou Coffee and i'm super excited cause they have these coupons where you can buy one get one free of their new drinks--like apple cobbler, cocunut cream pie, chocolate something...i dont remember--but i called KRisten right away to reserve her in the next few days for a Caribou Coffee trip.

i'm so happy right now. Joe Nabozny is living with us indefinitely. Nick originally told him no which just disturbed me to no end. It was cute that nick thought he was being considerate to me but it showed he definitely doesnt understand what i get upset about. I do NOT want OUR friend Joe to sleep in parking garages while he is temporalily homeless (FEMA effecting even the Northern boys)--what i DO want nick to do is be careful of being a RUDE BAD BOYFRIEND. like that time after Cedar Point when he tried to make everyone be quiet when i passed out in the middle of a friggin party. i don't want him to be quiet at times like that! i want him to be quiet and considerate at 3 am on a weekday night when he decides to bring 4 friends over to play music and drink. how does he not see a difference? oh well, he's trying and that is very cute.
so i'm completely fine with Joe staying with us--except my continuous hunt for alone time. but i'm just going to make the best of everything and stop letting those vague, self-defined standards ruin my life!!
just like we should NOT let the box of rats ruin our lives, right Kristen?

maybe this, maybe that--tonight i do not care

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 04:14:00 GMT

i'm in this situation where i'm incredibly annoyed but i don't even think i necessarily have a right to be...i guess i am realizing more and more that i need more privacy, less socializing, more alone time! i think i'm going to take a week off or something--from people. but even then--there is so much shit planned---this week, the only day i dont have something planned is wednesday. maybe the week after that ill take a week off from people--just so i can organize! so anticipate more bitching from me on this worn-out topic.
anyways, i'm just frustrated.
i'm very excited to go to Boston though--
i wish my knee wasn't fucked up. god, walking around boston is going to suck with this knee.
its almost scary. its bruised, sore, and it is making clicking sounds... and it seems like the clicking pain goes all the way down to my ankle..
and it has a terrible chain of events--such as i can't really run, and in place--i eat. and there goes my good mood! and any sense of control

i liked anita's family a lot today. she threw her mom a surprise 50th birthday party. it was really nice. it makes me miss jenny seba's family--i miss being the friend that the entire family knows. nikole seemed stressed out...

tomorrow is supposed to be this really nice day with nick and i where he was going to do anything i wanted for my birthday --
but since things have been so hectic lately, i think i will make my wish be to just hang out here with no one else! maybe we'll go to my parents for a bit--maybe we'll clean. there was an incident last night with a skinned knee and some garlic salt that i'm still unable to talk about without becoming violent...it would be nice to clean all remains of that dreadful memory off the bathroom and kitchen floors.

hmm what i REALLY wanted to do is have him come work out with me or go to stoney creek or something but my knee has changed my plans. you know, actually i think i just want to have the entire day to myself. oh my god i cant even imagine--i'd clean, run (if my knee wasnt hurt), color, read, maybe go shopping, take a nap--just stupid little stuff--but i'd be alone and i wouldnt have anyone here when i got back...cause when nick is here the t.v. is constantly on and its always something i dont want to watch, his shit is around--including his own body. and he makes me mad a lot. man, i friggin want to be alone! its not like nick ever crowds me--if anything, i wish i did have the chance to complain about nick being clingy since he never is...but i dont know how i'm going to enjoy this day feeling so scattered in every other aspect of my life. i'll probably just talk all day to him about my thoughts and not enjoy nick time. for the rest of people in relationships out there, i'm sure some of you understand this nick situation--yes, i live with him now and see him almost daily but either there are 897 people with us, or its five minutes in the middle of the night or when i leave for work in the morning.

anyways i'm just thinking right now...i'm so mad at myself because every problem i have lately is because i'm not aggressive enough.

i'm thirsty but since my knee hurts i dont want to go limp to the kitchen.

supermodels are pretty

rollerskating buddies

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 20:13:25 GMT

Skate World last night!!!
and nikole, cheryl, justyna, and anita got me a beautiful fish tank! i'm so excited. i am worried Dallas will be jealous of the little fishies--or maybe he'll eat them--but Dallas needs to adjust. I also think Dallas is going through some teennage angst. He meows his sad song, sitting at the window, gazing at nothing in particular with such longing...

my knee hurts from skate world. i dont think ive been on rollerskates for over a decade.
we got kicked out because kristen, nikole, cheryl and i smoked a cigarette in the bathroom stall. heee
nick was funny--
i got mad at night though of course. i've just never been the type to drink to the point of losing control--whether that means poor decisions/actions the night of or the following day, it's still stupid and i don't want to deal with that anymore...whatever though.

this morning was the heart association walk-a-thon in southfield. justin and nick came with me. and my sister and ryan. i love my sister! we were remembering one walk-a-thon probably 10-11 years ago when i was in middle school track and so i was trying really hard to keep up with some of the faster runners/walkers and she ran after me trying to keep up --then she kept crying for me to wait for her (she was only about 9 back then.) and i was so mad because i thought i was this super cool fast 12 year old and i had to wait for my dumb little sister. now its a cute memory. i wish she followed me around like how she used to!

i wish i didnt eat such shitty food. i'm in a cranky mood SOLELY because i ate bad last night AND this morning after the walk-a-thon. i'm such a fatass. there was a big poster of my mom on the walk-a-thon for being such a sweetass survivor. the media loves her

well its fucking 4 pm and i havent gotten anything done today.
justin and adam are here watching the Spartans, nick went to work, and kristen is sulking around. if they left, i'd clean because the apartment was destroyed last night and then i'd probably watch t.v. and color for awhile, then maybe i'd shower, walk to barnes and nobles--then come home and go to anita's mom's party. i like imagining what i WOULD have done. i get mad at people who aren't busy because they don't understand other people's need for quieter nights. but i feel i'm either working, or feeling guilty about needing to run and stuff or work on law school stuff. thats the funny thing about guilt--its like an occupation. remember homework? even if you ended up not opening a book all weekend but if you PLANNED on it, you felt busy with the guilt and intention of studying...

my knee hurts.

there is a realm of control i really wish i could enter--or maybe a level of control i wish i could obtain? i like the idea of it being a realm that i just havent discovered yet.

my silly knee.

Bonding...

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 02:43:57 GMT

Justin has been staying with us for a few days and he just told me he thinks we're on the same shitting schedule...i feel so close to him!!

rubberbands that form the shapes of animals

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 15:51:00 GMT

this is from a few months ago...

http://www.detnews.com/2005/nnwarren/0502/17/N07-89918.htm

someone agreed when i said we have no hope

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 04:43:04 GMT

well things are good because i love the reaffirmation that i'll never be as scared as i was before.
things are bad because i have no idea how to control myself sometimes and i can't even figure out my own motives/reasons/wants

maybe i should take a utilitarian stand point on everything?
maybe i can just adjust my system of standards

i don't like how i am lately but i cant figure out what factors are directly effecting my behavior

i just don't know

maybe i need some time to die

before, when i was sadder--there were more outlets maybe that made me not hate myself
being angry just makes me think i deserve badness because i'm so stupid

i know i'm being vague and i'm just writing to feel like someone is listening or something

went up north this weekend--
nuv and i played a game called "splash each other as much as you can"
that was fun

i don't want anyone to tell me why i'm a bad person right now.

Nuv is a Bitch

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 19:55:51 GMT

I'm glad i'm running again. this time i'm not psycho about it either. i do NOT feel guilty that i ate taco bell at 230 am last night--well maybe a little. no more drunk bulimia for me!

last night turned out well--i had a bad week, i was emotional, irrational, irritated-- i know i have a lot of issues with Nick and most of the time I'm very aware of my choices and understand why we are where we are--sometimes i'm still so angry and bitter. but anyways, basically the U.S. Census Bureau saved us yesterday--i was refusing to talk to nick and i definitely wasn't going to go out last night. i came home from my stupid interview and drank a lot of wine, passing out to Beetlejuice around 7 pm. but then the Census people came busting in and when they asked Nick what his important duties at work are and when he answered "walking" i lightened up. heheee walking! my funny nicky---

so we went to the good old Locker room for Lisa Kissel's birthday. Nikole played the "talk to boys you don't like to get free drinks" game. Ricker made a brief appearance. Justin got on a bar stool and pumped his arm in the air for an hour straight, regardless of whether any songs were actually playing. The DJs loved him--i jumped around a lot. thats how i like to dance.--never for real. Justin made me so happy when he came to me and said "do you want to dance...and by that i mean jump around." we finished off the night with finally having our requested "my girl likes to party all the time" eddie murphy song played and of course Party Ball came out. I think Party Ball deserves to be capitalized. the DJs liked nick a lot too when he started twirling on the ground and then dropped to throw some push ups in there--times like that make me miss college and the rest of the guys so much. Poofa and Jim and Ricker were deeply missed by me last night.

oh and i had on a tube top last night and when i was jumping apparently it fell down and no one told me until Nikole saw me and came and pulled it up. i felt like Tara Reid. i had a bra on but i can just imagine how i looked--a drunk flakey girl oblivious that her friggin SHIRT fell off.

i'm finally going to boston on September 22nd through the 25th. i'm quite excited. it's always my dream to see anca when i lost a lot of weight and looking beautiful and successful and "composed" (as i was just informed i'm not even close to) but once again, i haven't quite completed my goals. so instead i'll go see my ancafishy and we'll most definitely get in at least two fights but it just wouldn't be US if we didnt spend a significant amount of time arguing. maybe we'll even get to run together--she's the only person i ever enjoyed running with because we were so strangely well-matched. I love thinking about that--how our identical political and life views can't be a coincidence--it is just because we have raised each other. I mean of course we have a ton of differences in our thoughts--but there is no one else in the world who i agree with and respect on the most basic issues--even with nick, some of the time i think he's a moron and too stupid to be alive.

If i had a lot of money, i'd go some place once every four weekends. I'd visit anca, jenny seba and amber on a regular basis. I'd also maybe go check out Jim's place in Seattle, and maybe even Atlanta and Poofa--it would be so easy to maintain long distance friendships if i was rich!

well i'm rambling this long because i'm waiting for laundry to be finished at my parents house. they left for 4 days and left the air conditioning blasting. I love stealing from my parents--like taking full bottles of cleaning supplies and food--I vacillated for quite some time today about takin some expensive hair serum from my mom, but i decided that would be too cruel, in case she is counting on it.

tomorrow nuv, justin, nick, kristen, maybe nikole--and me are going up north. my sister and her people are already up there. I'm excited. i can (try to) chase lily around the clearing, eat and drink a lot, and then sleep in a tent. my parents are so happy up north. they are like different people.

my leg hurts from walking into a bench press machine at Ballys today. that completed my work out.

a loss

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 03:00:32 GMT

Six Feet Under has now ended --and with it, goes apart of my heart.