laurafish919 - October 31st, 2005

I want to apologize for being such a bitch lately, but I don't know. I'm a selfish, thoughtless person...i really have been realizing how selfish I am with nick. It's like all we ever do is try to figure out a way to make ME happy. He never has complaints or wants...
and so for that reason, i complain as well!

And i know people think i'm a "fun governor" and an unreasonable bitch--but there are things that I need to happen so i can be happy. I must be able to do certain things on a daily basis and when i'm restricted for too long from those things...i lose power over my moods and the chain reaction that extends from that is often unpleasant...

I'm most sorry to Kristen--who I was thinking about today--I don't think she lies much which is sort of rare...

Law school is constantly making my stomach churn...
but last night, Nick and I saw Goodnight and Good luck and i got pumped up to stop being such a fucking lazy moron and do something with my life. It's funny the urge i have to write a paper and do homework...

We went to a cider mill yesterday and got doughnuts, caramel and nut apple slices, a jumbo cider hot dog, hot cider, slushly cider, and cold cider. Since we were hungry, we managed to spend 24 dollars there and had very little to take home.

then we got a beer from some nice piano bar--i just was craving one of those beers with cokes that Nikole got me hooked too--and it became this huge ordeal. my i.d. managed to fall in this crack in the bar and the man who had to get it out for me was not hiding his irritation.

Work is very busy. I need an assistant! I'm feeling so nervous about keeping up with my cases...and somedays, like today, i was just so unsmart. my brain wasn't working fast and i was moving slowly--those days are costing me more than i can afford.
i dont know why i give a shit though. i make such bad money==it's hard to not get wrapped up in the job though. at least the hours pass quickly and i enjoy the work.

well it's halloween--
nick and I went to my parents house tonight. Amy yu came, as well as Jennie and Ryan. It was fun. like a miniparty. i like how much my dad loves talking to Nick. my dad is doing TONS better. they found out his surgery so far went as planned so the percentage of him regaining vision in the one eye has increased. My parents were both so much more upbeat. I ate a lot and i'm fat and i'm sorry.
My sister and i were telling my parents about some of the parties we had there that they never knew about. I think right now, the only secret from my dad is when I had his car up at school a few years ago and somehow the gas cover thing ripped off and i had to lie about why i couldnt bring his car back and then get it replaced quickly. This still wouldnt be funny to my dad because i'm still not financially strong.

i'm tired and i am writing because i dont want to clean my room. but now i'm going to.
i hate you all.