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I wish i was in my bed from 1994
Oct. 28th, 2005 | 09:35 pm
I'm babysitting twin babies--they are about 3 and a half months old. Tiny tiny bodies. I hope they don't die of that S.I.D.s
i talked to my mom around 9 AM and she said my dad wanted to go to the doctor's because of some eye trouble--well, long story but i couldnt get ahold of my parents all day, i was getting more and more panicked that something happened. The day dragged on and i was so busy at work and it was stressful. finally around 525 i get ahold of my mom and it turned out my dad had to have some emergency eye surgery and it only has a 66 percent chance of working or he'll go blind in that eye. maybe they will do further surgery if this surgery didn't work. i dont even know what i'm talking about exactly--
my dad can't let his head move horizontal for weeks. he has to sleep sitting up. --in a chair. for anyone who knows my dad, you know he never EVER SITS on furniture. He has this crazy thing on his eye. He is going to be nothing but anxious for a month waiting to find out if he'll completely go blind. He has always had such bad vision and he got that laser thing and it didnt work and now this. i know its not that bad. i mean half the time i expect to hear way worse news about my parents. everytime they don't answer the phone or i dont know...i just feel like my dad isnt happy. and he's probably my favorite person in the world. He is going to be so anxious for weeks. my mom has to take the next few weeks off work as well as my dad, of course. if this bubble they injected in his eye moves, i dont know--bad things will happen.
and now that fucking movie Jersey Girl is on and it is sad, i don't care if people say its a stupid movie. I'm so sick of Nick and his friends and their judgements of movies. I can like whatever i want to like.
i called nick and he was with justin and kristen buying halloween crap for a party they were going to in East Lansing tonight. Nick told them to drop him off so he could see me the ten minutes i was going to be home in between visiting my parents and going to babysit--but i told him "its okay, dont go to any trouble" but of course i didnt MEAN it and he jumped right at it and said "alright, nevermind"--and of course then i flipped out. and he told me he didnt want "inconvenience" justin and kristen. Why the fuck am i always last to him? everyone thinks i'm such a bitch because i get mad at things but they dont know that he always tells me one thing and then ANYTIME anyone wants to come over, he says fine. anytime anyone wants anything, its fine. I'm always the one he'll change things with because he doesnt have to worry about my opinion. well he did come home but it did not feel good when he said that. i shouldnt be writing in this stupidass LIVEJOURNAL right now. my eyes are itchy and i have used that inhaler like 4 times today. i just want to be able to breathe. i am so angry with so much stuff right now. i feel like i pay rent for other people to hang out at my apartment. god, well no, i mean i UNDERSTAND. its not one person or one situation...i just wish there was away i could count on some regular alone time.
my allergies are going crazy. its funny how my dad always wants time off of work and now he has it and its because of this fucking shit. Last christmas fucking sucked because my mom almost died and now this-and i dont know, i feel like my dad can't handle sad things or something. i dont know. i can't explain it.
and i cant ever appreciate nick because i think he is going to cheat on me everytime we're apart. or he'll die.
if he turns out to be a strong person--and if what he says is true..well he'll die for sure. but if he turns out to be what i'm fearing is true--well i have that to look forward to. That will be so great. just remembering how fucking stupid i've been and how every comforting slope was filled with nothing.
So there isn't a central me. Just a collection of memes and genes?
Jersey Girl-the song- reminds me of Joe Nabozny. I hate being conscious right now. my mom redid the room i had my entire life. I know everyone goes through those moments--how prevalent are they in movies...well its just as depressing and thought-provoking as it seems.
i'm sorry i talk so much. i'd definitely agree its my worst fault.
i talked to my mom around 9 AM and she said my dad wanted to go to the doctor's because of some eye trouble--well, long story but i couldnt get ahold of my parents all day, i was getting more and more panicked that something happened. The day dragged on and i was so busy at work and it was stressful. finally around 525 i get ahold of my mom and it turned out my dad had to have some emergency eye surgery and it only has a 66 percent chance of working or he'll go blind in that eye. maybe they will do further surgery if this surgery didn't work. i dont even know what i'm talking about exactly--
my dad can't let his head move horizontal for weeks. he has to sleep sitting up. --in a chair. for anyone who knows my dad, you know he never EVER SITS on furniture. He has this crazy thing on his eye. He is going to be nothing but anxious for a month waiting to find out if he'll completely go blind. He has always had such bad vision and he got that laser thing and it didnt work and now this. i know its not that bad. i mean half the time i expect to hear way worse news about my parents. everytime they don't answer the phone or i dont know...i just feel like my dad isnt happy. and he's probably my favorite person in the world. He is going to be so anxious for weeks. my mom has to take the next few weeks off work as well as my dad, of course. if this bubble they injected in his eye moves, i dont know--bad things will happen.
and now that fucking movie Jersey Girl is on and it is sad, i don't care if people say its a stupid movie. I'm so sick of Nick and his friends and their judgements of movies. I can like whatever i want to like.
i called nick and he was with justin and kristen buying halloween crap for a party they were going to in East Lansing tonight. Nick told them to drop him off so he could see me the ten minutes i was going to be home in between visiting my parents and going to babysit--but i told him "its okay, dont go to any trouble" but of course i didnt MEAN it and he jumped right at it and said "alright, nevermind"--and of course then i flipped out. and he told me he didnt want "inconvenience" justin and kristen. Why the fuck am i always last to him? everyone thinks i'm such a bitch because i get mad at things but they dont know that he always tells me one thing and then ANYTIME anyone wants to come over, he says fine. anytime anyone wants anything, its fine. I'm always the one he'll change things with because he doesnt have to worry about my opinion. well he did come home but it did not feel good when he said that. i shouldnt be writing in this stupidass LIVEJOURNAL right now. my eyes are itchy and i have used that inhaler like 4 times today. i just want to be able to breathe. i am so angry with so much stuff right now. i feel like i pay rent for other people to hang out at my apartment. god, well no, i mean i UNDERSTAND. its not one person or one situation...i just wish there was away i could count on some regular alone time.
my allergies are going crazy. its funny how my dad always wants time off of work and now he has it and its because of this fucking shit. Last christmas fucking sucked because my mom almost died and now this-and i dont know, i feel like my dad can't handle sad things or something. i dont know. i can't explain it.
and i cant ever appreciate nick because i think he is going to cheat on me everytime we're apart. or he'll die.
if he turns out to be a strong person--and if what he says is true..well he'll die for sure. but if he turns out to be what i'm fearing is true--well i have that to look forward to. That will be so great. just remembering how fucking stupid i've been and how every comforting slope was filled with nothing.
So there isn't a central me. Just a collection of memes and genes?
Jersey Girl-the song- reminds me of Joe Nabozny. I hate being conscious right now. my mom redid the room i had my entire life. I know everyone goes through those moments--how prevalent are they in movies...well its just as depressing and thought-provoking as it seems.
i'm sorry i talk so much. i'd definitely agree its my worst fault.