laurafish919 - September 6th, 2005

well things are good because i love the reaffirmation that i'll never be as scared as i was before.
things are bad because i have no idea how to control myself sometimes and i can't even figure out my own motives/reasons/wants

maybe i should take a utilitarian stand point on everything?
maybe i can just adjust my system of standards

i don't like how i am lately but i cant figure out what factors are directly effecting my behavior

i just don't know

maybe i need some time to die

before, when i was sadder--there were more outlets maybe that made me not hate myself
being angry just makes me think i deserve badness because i'm so stupid

i know i'm being vague and i'm just writing to feel like someone is listening or something

went up north this weekend--
nuv and i played a game called "splash each other as much as you can"
that was fun

i don't want anyone to tell me why i'm a bad person right now.