laurafish919 - May 29th, 2005

Poofa's going away party---
Kristin Spink looks more beautiful than i've ever seen someone in person i think. It was so nice hearing her and yummyKristen talk--so passionately. I know they won't ever let the "what ifs" get them. I think people who feel that broken-hearted feeling have a bonding that is otherwise hard to come by. I sometimes think i'm losing those memories--now i'm so determined to never be so consumed with loving someone else--or with anything in general--that i can't even relate anymore. and is my new way of being bitchy and selfish and reserved better? Nothing can ever feel so bad or good again--
i ate a lot of robin eggs again. I don't know why those boys don't throw those away. they fill me with self-hate! i don't even like them!
i'm happy here with everyone right now. even beer pong hasn't pissed me off yet.
i'm feeling reflective and appreciative of the comradery assumed by all of us real-life-bound wanderers--
certain people are just so valuable--i need to be quiet more.

I was right to be weary of my Memorial Day weekend anticipation.....
now i am further realized in my thus-far spotted need for detachment, my knee and feet hurt--my brain hurts--rusty cages.
I was very happy last night a bit--
ahh this is why live journals suck, can't say what i want to say--
cause when you lie a lot--you can't keep up with these lies with a wider audience--
man this headache is bad
i wish i was someplace else, by myself,--and i wish i was sleepy and in a bed--with maybe that stupid bear with the underwear on it. I'm feeling sorry for who i am right now. Like i should be apologizing to people--its the headache that is flaunting the drama--
okay i have to drive up north, my parents are going to be angry with how late i arrive. nick is driving--i love how with him, i need to be thankful right now he will drive==
i guess i want to care less or more?
eh, now i'm just prolonging walking with my stupid knee/foot/mouth reminding me

oh but i want to say that i love Kronner
he is a very nice boy who is so helpful when i freak out--when nick gets drunk and passes out down the street.
I am sorry i hesitated in getting him a double cheeseburger but i was being very selfish in my tired/angry state.
but Kronner is deservant of a billion double cheeseburgers for his consistent strive to make sure his friends don't die or get screwed over.