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bad fishy
May. 20th, 2005 | 08:11 am
well after not running for four days due to my terrible illness, i ran 6 miles this morning and i don't know if it was a good idea. i ran slowly but i have one of those dehydration headaches now and i'm dizzy. i ate friggin McDonalds last night--why do i do this shit that makes me so unhappy?
i am trying desperately to ruin things with nick. i wish i could explain to myself why i go crazy the way i do with him. I am constantly trying to rationalize the irrational evil way i blow up over stuff. i don't understand why he still talks to me. now i just wish i could be alone and hide.
Nuv and i went to see the midnight showing of StarWars with Nick and his friends on Wednesday--at the drive-in. I love the drive-in now. Nick was so cute--he was so excited. He stayed for the second showing at 3 AM too. I felt tenderness for him that night--and then just the next day, bam--i become this angry angry monster. i don't know why i'm so angry and i'm sick of analyzing myself.
My mom was on t.v last night on some Fox news heart special to tell her story. It was funny hearing them advise on healthy eating while my family plus ryan ate McDonalds. Ryan is a nice boy. I'd be happy for him to part of my family! oh man, my sister's birthday is next week. I have to do something nice for her.
This weekend I'm housesitting for Cindy's dad. I'm glad cause i hate my house and i hate nick's place so it will be a nice change. It is on a lake and quite large. They have a sauna and a jacuzzi, an elaborate bar in the basement, one of those mammoth size t.vs, three stoves, blah blah. I'm just excited for being near new scenery to run around.
heheee, remember in Friends when Joey said "but she's been dead for 10 years!!!"
blah blah
I have to go to work now. work is insanely busy because we hit a busy season and Cindy is gone. I actually get to use my brain. The days fly by and it is surprisingly nice to not have to hide NOT working all day.
I don't like myself today. Maybe that's why i'm so motivated at work--keep busy and avoid feeling such hatred for my out-of-control rage lately.
i am trying desperately to ruin things with nick. i wish i could explain to myself why i go crazy the way i do with him. I am constantly trying to rationalize the irrational evil way i blow up over stuff. i don't understand why he still talks to me. now i just wish i could be alone and hide.
Nuv and i went to see the midnight showing of StarWars with Nick and his friends on Wednesday--at the drive-in. I love the drive-in now. Nick was so cute--he was so excited. He stayed for the second showing at 3 AM too. I felt tenderness for him that night--and then just the next day, bam--i become this angry angry monster. i don't know why i'm so angry and i'm sick of analyzing myself.
My mom was on t.v last night on some Fox news heart special to tell her story. It was funny hearing them advise on healthy eating while my family plus ryan ate McDonalds. Ryan is a nice boy. I'd be happy for him to part of my family! oh man, my sister's birthday is next week. I have to do something nice for her.
This weekend I'm housesitting for Cindy's dad. I'm glad cause i hate my house and i hate nick's place so it will be a nice change. It is on a lake and quite large. They have a sauna and a jacuzzi, an elaborate bar in the basement, one of those mammoth size t.vs, three stoves, blah blah. I'm just excited for being near new scenery to run around.
heheee, remember in Friends when Joey said "but she's been dead for 10 years!!!"
blah blah
I have to go to work now. work is insanely busy because we hit a busy season and Cindy is gone. I actually get to use my brain. The days fly by and it is surprisingly nice to not have to hide NOT working all day.
I don't like myself today. Maybe that's why i'm so motivated at work--keep busy and avoid feeling such hatred for my out-of-control rage lately.