laurafish919 - May 17th, 2005

my throat hurts. this is terrible. Now that i have created this system of utilizing every moment outside of work in my life, it is very unfortunate when negative, unplanned events cause me to delay. I am not running for the second day now. I am feeling out of control! no motivation today to better my life, just determination to be pissed off. I must ACTIVELY be looking....right kristen? I have already decided to be happy immediately--not just wait to collect the polished aspects of my molded unfolded plans...

i need time to figure stuff out. it's this vicious cycle of going to a shitty job and then being too tired to want to think about a new route to take AFTER work--so i become obsessed with something simple, tangible~ that i can anticipate (i.e. a boy, running, reading, drinking) and i never do anything to actually better the heart of the week--the week--how the weeks divide up the long spreads of time...i must leave here. i hate it. i am resenting everyone because of my anger with myself.

this rug in my room has a permanent fold in it. no matter how i try to straighten it out---this fold causes me so much anxiety--i'm constantly irritated because of that fucking fold.

i am also angry with ugly people.
I'm sick of pathetic people in general. I am pathetic enough--so i really don't need to surround myself with more uninteresting, stupid assholes. or dogs. Lily and Jack are dumb.

i hate you all.